the following is an edited version of something I originally wrote and e-mailed to certain folks on my e-networks late last night (Monday, April 19, 2004). figured I would post it here as well.
sos?: homeless update
no, this is not really an SOS; as in Save Our Souls or whatever it truly stands for.
rather it means, at least in this particular instance anyway being that it is followed by a question mark, that it looks like I may be Sleeping OutSide once again.
am not sure about tonight, once I leave here shortly, if I have a place to stay overnight or not. if not, it will be a long, sleepless, night for certain. at least it is warmer, that is if it does not rain anyway; as the wind has been blowing hard too.
come tomorrow, after about three to four long years of having at least someplace of last resort to stay at, I may just be back to pitching my tent somewhere. that is if a safe place can be found. there are a lot more people tenting out around these parts these days, as the few good places may be either gone or at least not so safe; especially for this lone, unhappy, camper.
sort of knew that this might be coming, in fact I had been quite depressed about it and had not been sleeping well at times as a result over the last five or six weeks.
without going into all the details, the one place in the area that was my sole resource at times is no longer available to me as such as I have decided to vote with my feet and not be associated with it any longer.
simply put, there was more harm to staying than in my going.
it has been made very clear for a while now by various parties involved that I was no longer wanted around; even though the place is supposed to be funded and made safe for people like myself and not such be a place where non-labeled people (i.e., not labeled with severe and persistent mental illness (SPMI)) are allowed to take over, do whatever they want, get away with it over and over, and crowd and then push people like me out.
all too often we are told, including by the head person in charge, in both direct and indirect ways: that if we did not like it, we could leave. so I have left, even though I have nowhere else to go and nothing else to depend on. guess I'd rather live independent and free of abuse, than forced to be made dependent and continually abused, even though it may prove more difficult and stressful, as a result.
to keep up-to-date with these goings on, check my blog. as I will begin updating it accordingly when I am able to -- as time, energy and online access allow.
knowing it would be a long night and also being hungry and already fairly worn out, I decided to eat as good as was possible (am really glad I did too, it was a big help).
after doing that, in addition to making a few phone calls in an attempt to locate a place to stay for the evening and being that it felt urgent to quickly compose and send out the above e-mail concerning my situation, I made use of a little online access avialable to me at that moment in order to do so.
once the e-mail was sent out, I walked around for a time prior to heading for the place where I ended up spending at least part of the night inside.
while not able to get any sleep whatsoever during the four hours I stayed there, it proved helpful laying down and resting for the entire time.
though I am definitely tired, I do not feel so bad, now anyway. am not certain what later will bring however.
so far this morning I received one reply from my e-mail. this particular e-mail message, as well as a few follow up exchanges, came from someone who works for the Vermont Department of Developmental and Mental Health Services (VT DDMHS) (hey, note the excellent new Website design they have there too. great work! it is a vast improvement from what they formerly had available. now if they can only do as good with the actual services they provide, things might actually improve for those of us who depend on them).
am hoping to meet this individual today, as they mentioned they are in town for a meeting and want to speak with me about my current circumstances and also possibly what led to them.
when I am done with my morning online session, I intend to eat at an area soup kitchen for my main (and possibly even sole) meal of the day, before heading off to meet up with the person from the VT DDMHS.
still have no clue what tonight, as well as future nights, will offer. might end up having to pitch my tent somewhere, if I can find the energy and space to do so.
not sure I have any other options left, for the short term anyway.
the long term (i.e., next week), is too far off to even be concerned about now.
these are just facts. nothing more, nothing less.
though it may appear or even sound otherwise, the simple truth is that I do not tend to waste my energy or time feeling sorry for myself during such struggles. it would not help matters any if I bothered.
for more reading material concerning these matters, make sure to read or re-read Dana Szegedy's excellent and well-written essay on this exact subject: An Eye Opening 24-Hour Homeless Experience in Montpelier, Vermont.
Dana was one of five (now former) Sterling College students who spent a night out together one cold rainy evening in Montpelier, Vermont during April of last year (2003).
they began their education that evening in several indepth discussions spanning a variety of matters, including homelessness, housing, mental health, disabilities and related subjects while at the Another Way Drop-In Center before embarking out onto the streets for the night.
more later ...
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